(The following true story is Part 1 of the "Dear Howard Stern, please put me on your show..." promotional compaign.)
When my first wife left me and I was suddenly single again, my first impulse was to try to find someone to have sex with, but this proved more difficult than I had anticipated. I also got a job as a sperm donor during this period, and started looking at a lot more porn (it was part of the job), and I started noticing the many ads from available women wanting to have sex. I called some of these numbers, and found that they were all routed to the same "sex club," which claimed to have dozens of women members who were looking for "no strings attached" sex, but that I had to pay the sex club several hundred dollars in order to get the phone numbers of these "available" women. There was a one month plan, a three month plan, etc. I opted for the one month plan, payed my few hundred dollars, and was given a phone number to call between the hours of 4 to 6, and told to ask for B.J. and that he would give me the numbers of available women. I called everyday for weeks, and was almost never able to get through. When I did get through, I would be given a number that usually turned out to be disconnected. But once I did get a number that someone actually answered. It was an African-American woman and single mother, who lived in South Central and had no car. I asked her what kind of stuff she was into and she said things like, "long walks on the beach," "candlelight dinners," etc. I said, "No, I mean, what kind of sex are you into?" and she replied: "Isn't it a bit early to be talking about stuff like that?" As we continued to converse, it gradually dawned on me that this woman had been told that she was joining a dating service for marriage-minded singles, whereas I had been told that I was joining a sex club for horny available women. I was morally outraged, and thought of complaining to the police or better business bureau, but I was too embarrassed.
posted by Caveh Zahedi at
2:11 AM
